Step Right Up
by narwhalpuppy
Summary: Taken from the subplot of the episode CIAPOW. Instead of doing a 'Slow Race Across the Living Room'. Roger talks Francine into a trip to the Chimdale Fair. Things take a turn when Roger is deemed 'too fat' to go on his favorite ride.


American Dad Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production

Step Right Up:

Before the day began. As the morning sun rose, Klaus was still sleeping. While Stan was on a mission with the CIA in Thailand. Francine, Hayley, Steve, and Klaus had the house to themselves for the weekend. Klaus was still sleeping. In fact, Klaus was having a dream. In his dream, Klaus finally got his body put back into a human. But not just any human. A Muscular Body Builder Human. He had red hair. Klaus was enjoying his new body as he hid behind the bushes of the Smith House. Stan and Roger came out. Klaus used his muscular body to tackle Roger and rip his head off and broke off his arms and legs. Roger screamed in piercing pain. Stan stood in complete terror. "My God! Klaus is a human again! Biggest mistake the CIA ever made!" Stan stated.

Klaus took Roger's decapitated head and sucked the blood out of it. Then proceeded to eat Roger's torn off leg then cooked it over a fire. "This is a delicious meal!" Klaus roared. "I call it, A'la Ralah Roger! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" When Klaus was done eating Roger, Stan ran away but could not escape Klaus's angry wrath. Stan ran as fast as he could but he could not compete with Klaus's muscular legs that outran the CIA Agent. Klaus then caught up with Stan, and tackled him into the grass. Stan was begging and getting hysterical. Klaus ignored his pleas for help. Klaus picked up Stan by the neck and held him in the air. "WHY! WHY! WHY" whined Stan. "Why did I ever let Klaus pick a body for himself? Now I know how Nancy Kerrigan felt!"

"Do anything bad CIA agent?" Klaus growled in Stan's face. "Noooo". Stan cried childishly. Klaus snapped Stan's neck back and forth. Stan was dead and got thrown down into the ground. Klaus stood on both Stan's and Roger's corpses. "BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH! I finally got my revenge!" Klaus yelled into the sky. The dream began to fade when Roger called him. "Klaus...Klaus...Klaus..." The goldfish was both awoken and annoyed by Roger's calling. "Roger! Thanks a lot for ruining the best most greatest dream I ever had!" Klaus snapped.

"Woah! You ought to lay off my heroin, dude!" Roger retorted. Klaus was now awaiting yet another day where he is ignored and the object of the Smith Family's derision. The way Stan, Roger, Steve, and even Hayley and Francine had treated him like a nobody was it any wonder why Klaus enjoyed having a dream where he tore Stan and Roger to pieces? "You'll soon forget about that dream whatever it was until you hear what Frannie has in store." Roger chirped.

Roger carried Klaus in his bowl. Francine was making breakfast. Hayley and Steve were sitting on the couch. "Where's Stan?" asked Klaus. "Him and the CIA are on a mission in Thailand!" answered Francine then continued, "That means we have the house to ourselves!" Hayley announced putting her feet on the coffee table. "I know what I'm going to do. A whole lotta nothing!" "Yeah, well I'm going to do more nothing than you!" challenged Steve. Francine said, "I've been wondering what to do today. Want to have a slow race to the end of the room?"

"No way, Frannie! We shouldn't do a whole lotta nothing! Let's do a whole lotta something!" suggested Roger. "All right hot shot, what you do want to do?" asked Francine slyly. "Just heard on the local news that today is the day that the Chimdale Fair begins. That can be our weekend without Stan. My treat!" said Roger.

"Do a whole lotta 'something. HA! Since when!'" Steve mocked the alien. "You're the king of lazy slobbery! Thought you'd be sitting around, drinking, and watching Better Call Saul all day." "I'm sorry! But I think a Slow Race Across the Living Room is the lamest ass shitty idea anyone has ever had! I want to ride my all time favorite ride in the world!" said Roger. "Last year, he went on that Mexican Hat Ride, that's the only thing Roger raved on about all winter." ranted Klaus. "Maybe you're right, Roger. Slow Race is a stupid idea. What was I thinking!? And it's a waste of a perfectly good weekend on his lovely spring day." agreed Francine as she slapped herself in the face. "It IS the first day of spring so we should go out and do something!" said Hayley. "The hippie bitch is onto something here! Why just stay at home?" said Roger who always had ways of manipulating the Smiths into doing things he wanted to do.

"So, are we on about Roger's idea to go to the Chimdale Fair? Let me see some hands!" said Francine. Hayley, Steve, Roger, and Klaus all raised their hands in favor of Roger's Chimdale Fair concept. "It's unanimous! Chimdale Fair it is!" spoke Francine. Roger jumped three feet in the air! "YES! YES! YES BABY! Mexican Hat Ride here I come!" cheered Roger as he was happy and proud to have things go his way.

"We'll eat breakfast and then we will go." said Francine. "Can I go too?" asked Klaus. "As I have made the decision on how to spend the weekend...no you cannot go Klaus. You're a goldfish, not a dog!" said Roger. Klaus moaned. "Don't worry, I'll supply you with more heroin if you'd like!" said Roger to the outcast of the Smith Family that was Klaus.

Later in the morning, Klaus was left behind like he usually was. Roger drove Francine, Hayley, and Steve to the Chimdale Fair. "Mexican Hat Ride Here I Come! Right Back Where I Started from!" The alien sang. "He's happy!" exclaimed Francine. "Because we're doing what he wants to do." muttered Steve. Roger was in an excited suspence about riding his favorite ride. "Everyone out Here we are! Step Right Up! Right This Way People! You'll thank me for this!" pointed Roger. "Thank you for what?" asked Hayley. "Saving you from a boring do nothing weekend." Roger answered. Francine walked around and saw all the rides until she spots the Mexican Hat Ride. "Roger, isn't that the ride you like?" she Francine. Roger gasped in happiness! "There it is! The Mexican Hat Ride! Oh how I've longed to look forward to ride you all winter." "Jeff and I got back together in a fair like this.." Hayley stated as she reminisced of the time when her and Jeff reconciled. Hayley gave Roger the stink eye behind his back.

Roger runs to the line to the Mexican Hat Ride. "We'll meet back here, Roger. Ride that ride all you want! We're going to find some rides we like. And whatever you do, DON'T CAUSE TROUBLE!" warned Francine. "What does that supposed to mean?" yelled Roger. "What it means is, you always tend to be a shitass when we do something you want to do on weekends!" said Francine as Hayley and Steve ignored Roger yelling at them. Once it was Roger's turn to ride the Mexican Hat Ride, the conductor said, "Wait! Go weigh yourself." "The hell..." Roger scoffed. The conductor of the ride lead Roger to some scales. Roger begrudgingly went on. The scales read that Roger weighed 280 lbs. "Sorry you're too fat for this ride!" said the conductor. Roger always being the one to bite back, "But that's my normal weight for my body type!"

"Get out! You'll just be a deadweight on this ride!" the conductor yelled. Roger was kicked out and was raging mad than he ever was before. Some people who were in line for the ride were bullies from Steve's school. Lisa Silver saw Roger and teased him. "What's the matter? They think you're too obese? Do they think you're pregnant and you'll have a late term abortion!" Lisa Silver and her cheerleader friends laughed at Roger's inability to ride the Mexican Hat Ride. "Ride on this rock you fat bitch!" Vince Chung and his football player friends yelled as he threw a rock at Roger. "I've always fat shamed people, and I never thought it would happen to me!" Roger mumbled.

Francine saw the whole fiasco and walked up to Roger. "What's the matter? Upset? Thought this was what you wanted to do?" she asked. "They won't let me on because they think I'm fat." whined Roger. "Tell you what. There's more to the fair than just one ride, why not ride the Munchkin Ride?" suggested the housewife. "NO! Don't wanna!" cried Roger.

Steve came to see what had occurred. "You know, maybe it's good you don't ride on this Mexican Hat Ride. That's the one ride all the popular bullies at my school like to ride."

"Who are you to talk me out of things?" screeched Roger at Steve.

"Hey, don't take it so personal! I know! Why not go on the Bumper Cars! I'll let you bump into me." said Steve.

"Don't wanna go on any bumper cars." Roger cried like a kindergarten aged child.

Suddenly, out of the blue a protest group came running in the fair and shoved people in line for the Mexican Hat Ride.

The Conductor wasn't pleased, "Hey! You need tickets for this fair and rides!"

The protesters fought back and yelled, "You need to be more sensitive! Especially to ethnic groups!"

"What do you mean?" the Conductor yelled.

The Protesters explained as their leader talked into a megaphone. "This ride is intolerant to Latin Americans!"

"That's why we are here to destroy it!"

"Who were the heartless souls who built this ride?!"

"No all Mexicans wear sombreros!"

"This ride glorifies harmful stereotypes!"

Hayley ran to see the commotion. "What is going on here?"

Roger sneered, "That's a protest group fighting for Mexican Rights, Hay-Hay! Why aren't you up there protesting?"

"You got some nerve!" Hayley said.

"Enough all of you! Let's come back tomorrow." Francine assured.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! I AM HERE TO RIDE THE MEXICAN HAT RIDE!" Roger yelled.

"But you can't. The protesters will be mad at you." Francine exhorted.

"We can go to the the park instead." said Steve. "To be honest, I never really did like the Chimdale Fair. Those rides make me puke, and those bullies from school who pick on me and Snot like to come here."

Roger conjured up a plan. " Poor little pain in the ass Steve! If I can't ride this ride! Nobody can!"

Francine lead Hayley and Steve away. "Come on, kids. We don't want to witness this."

Roger goes up to the controllers of the Mexican Hat Ride and the Protester Group was in trying to damage it in any way they can. Some had hacksaws, sledgehammers, and even jackhammers. Roger pushes the conductor out of his way and pulls the controls of the ride on Full Blast. The Protesters were horrified when the ride started to move. "Oh my gosh!" "Stop this thing!" "It's going too fast!"

"I'm gonna barf! I'm gonna shit myself!" yelled the Protesters who were in danger as the ride's high speeds persisted. Over time there was vomit and feces all over the place. This caused other people in the fair to vomit and have attacks of diarrhea. Francine saw the whole thing, "Oh please no! Knew we should've stayed home and did that slow race across the room game." Lisa Silver, Vince Chung, and the other popular kids were even throwing up and crapping their pants.

Most of the Protesters on the ride flew off and when they landed, they sustained massive injuries. Some landed on other rides, some on kiosks breaking their bones and causing some excessive bleeding. Roger stood back and enjoyed what he had done. Roger was proudly laughing. "That's what they get for denying me my fun! Nobody gets in between me and my Mexican Hat Ride!" The fast speeds made the ride go out of order and crash. Ambulances and police cars came. "Oh no! The Five-0! We have to get out of here!" Francine fretted.

Hayley and Steve walked up to Roger. "What do you have to say for yourself Roger?"

"You demolished your favorite ride." Steve snarked.

Although Roger did some major wreckage to his favorite ride, he didn't care. However that didn't stop him from wanting more fun.

"How about we go to Busch Gardens Williamsburg!" asked Roger.

"I don't think so! After the disorder you brought on! Hell, police and ambulances are here for God's Sake! Think we should stay the *beep* away from theme parks and fairs for a while!" Francine said very peeved.

"Please! I want to go!" cried Roger who then jumped into the ground and pounded his fists and feet. "I wanna go to a theme park!"

"We are not! Want the police to see us and point this damage at our faces? Starting right now, we're going home and having some fun in the house like I wanted!" Francine demanding trying her best to put her foot down.

"Sounds good to me." said Hayley.

Steve agrees, "We can play a board game. Shark Attack, anyone?"

Roger gets out some tickets and decides to guilt his family. "Paid good money for these! Don't make me waste them! Besides, there's a Mexican Hat Ride there!"

"Busch Gardens it is! All I wanted to was to relax this weekend with Stan being on a mission." cried Francine letting her conscience get the best of her.

"There he goes again about the 'Mexican Hat Ride'". Hayley said sardonically.

"Maybe we should ride this just to see what Roger likes about it!" said Steve.

"Stan isn't coming back until late Monday." spoke Francine.

Roger was more than pleased to hear that. "You all want to ride the Mexican Hat? It's an experience you'll never forget! Like sex without protection and lots of stimulation..."

Francine, Hayley, Steve, and Roger all got into the car. Roger drove them to Busch Gardens Williamsberg.

The End

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!


End file.
